Back to Your Heart
by krfan
Summary: He thought he was doing the right thing when he broke it off with her only to see everything go crazy from there. Will he ever find his way back to her heart?
1. Chapter 1

Yay, my muse is back! Special thanks to the girls at the Ryelsi forum who helped me and to whom this is dedicated to: fallinrain, erfan18, digigirl02, rockyshadow, Pandora147 and all the others (sorry girls, I don't know your usernames here at FF). I hope the Ryelsi fans reading this can come join us, there's a lot of inspiration that comes from there. I'll post the link in my profile. I promised them that I will start this tonight and what do you know, I finished it!

There will be two chapters but I'm gonna be quite sinister and post the next one tomorrow. I gotta say that writing this was quite a struggle because I kind of took inspiration from a personal experience though not exactly the same as it played out here. Tell me what you think J

**Flashbacks in Italics

Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing but my pink Dell mini and a sometimes uncooperative imagination. The song (of the same title) I used in this fic is from the Backstreet Boys, a personal favorite of mine. So well, I hope it works.

**Back to Your Heart: Chapter 1**

He opened his eyes to the early morning sunlight shining into his large room. His bed was big enough for two and yet cold. At 27 years old, Ryan Evans was successful in every definition the stage would define the word to be except that success defined by the bright lights was not the same as what his heart always believed success to be. If for anything, he failed at the biggest and probably most important measure: love.

Not that he didn't know how to love because he does. It was because he knows how to love and is in love that he was able to conclude such failure. There were reasons for that. He was young and foolish, as he used to say. Looking back at it now, that reason bore only half the truth because he couldn't claim youth as one to blame for his failure. Even at a young age, he knew he was – is—in love with Kelsi Nielsen. No, it wasn't that he was young; it was only because he was a fool to let her go.

They left for New York to pursue their dream and it seemed then that nothing could stop them. It was also quite obvious that there was some romance going on between them, one that they fully acknowledged a few weeks into living there. It was bliss after that, her beside him while they both pursued their dream. That was until the second semester of their junior year when things got so hectic they couldn't find the time to walk together to class or get breakfast in the morning as they usually did no matter how busy they got. They found themselves barely seeing each other for weeks at a time. Ryan didn't mind nor was he worried about his relationship with Kelsi because he knew she understood how demanding their degrees were. Kelsi was the kind of person who would understand and never demand. His education, and eventually career was very important to him and he couldn't let anything get in the way of that. He still felt guilty though, not being able to spend time with her and though she never complained, the guilt and the expectations that were on him with regards to their relationship was something that he couldn't ignore any longer.

_Ryan knocked on Kelsi's door early morning the start of the summer before their senior year in college. He was hoping to catch her so they can finally talk after a month of not seeing each other and crossing his fingers that she stayed in New York as she, rather they, planned before to be better prepared for their final year. She opened the door, "Hey," she said looking surprised to see him but her big blue eyes told him she was happy that he was there, making the talk even harder for him to initiate._

_"Hey Kels," they shared an awkward hug as she let him in._

_"I'm so glad to see you; it feels like it's been ages." Kelsi said rather nervously. It was weird how awkward that was to them when several months ago if he was to think that they'd be separated for this long he saw a different reunion in his head._

_"Yeah, it's been really hectic and I'm sorry I wasn't able to make time for you." He was trying to bridge the gap, trying to usher her into what he was here to say._

_"It's okay. I'm sorry, too. Have you had breakfast? I only have tea here because I haven't done my grocery shopping yet." She offered with a smile. She was always so understanding, so unconditional._

_"Tea would be fine." Well, this is now or never, he thought, after she set a cup of tea in front of him. Silence fell between them as he took a sip, inhaling the calming scent of chamomile. "Kelsi, there's something I need to talk to you about."_

_"Sure, anything. I hope there's nothing wrong?" she was trying to hide her anxiety but Ryan knew her well._

_"To be honest, I'm not really sure. I, uh, I've been thinking about how this is going to be our last year in Juilliard and how much pressure is on us." He looked around the room, playing with the cup, trying to defuse nervous energy._

_"I know, right. Goodness, Ryan, I don't even know how I'm going to survive it all." _

_"Same here. There's exams, the final project not to mention auditions. There's too much to do and so little time to do it and…"_

_"And what?" she looked at him expectantly._

_"And I don't know where we fit into all that." The words flew out of his mouth more like a whisper. He was half-hoping she didn't hear it and they can just go on their way but another half of him is telling him that this is right. At least for now this is what's right for both of them._

_He looked at her trying to read the look on her face. There in her beautiful face was a blank expression which turned into a small frown, her eyes dropping to look down on her cup. And even with her hair hiding much of her face he knew that sadness was what she was wearing there._

_"I'm sorry, Kel. I don't know why I'm doing this except that I think this is right for the mean time. I don't want to hold you back by demanding your time and energy which you can be directing on fulfilling your dreams, and I guess, I can't promise to be there for you as I should. I don't want to hurt you," with that phrase he heard her gasp, trying to muffle what he knew was a cry but a lone tear fell into her cup. "But I think if we continue, we might end up resenting each other and I don't want that. Maybe, maybe it's better that we lay off the expectations that our relationship demands from us and just focus on getting through this year the best we can." He finished letting out a deep breath he seemed to be holding in for long._

_She was quiet and still staring down at her cup. "Kelsi? Kelsi please talk to me."_

_"What more do you want me to say, Ryan? It seems that you've thought this through and that you're already decided. There's nothing else for me to say or do but accept it." She said finally lifting her head to face him._

_"I'm sor-"_

_"Don't say you're sorry. You think this is right, and somehow, I think you have a point. I know how much all these mean to you Ryan. And that's a reason why your dreams mean a lot to me, too. So…" she looked away again, taking deep breaths before continuing. "I'm letting you go. Chase your dreams, Ry. I only wish the best for you and though I hoped that I will always be there with you when you make them all come true, it seems the circumstances require otherwise. I'm not going to hold you back. I don't think I can live with myself knowing I held you back, that I played a hand in destroying you. I… I'm sorry that I can't be truly happy about this but I guess right now there are more important things than us." _

_The tears that she's been trying to hold back fell freely on her beautiful face. He can never stand seeing her cry and that caused him to stand up and wipe the tears off her face. He gave her a soft kiss in the forehead, "Thank you." It was all he had to say, all he knew he could say. There was nothing that can make her okay right now but he convinced himself that it has to be done. He ran a hand through her hair, lingering in the feeling of holding her before turning around to leave, the memory of her tear-stained face committed to his memory._

_He worked and studied really hard after that, it was the reason for letting her go, after all. He might as well make the most of the decision he arrived at. His grades were even more excellent and he got part of the lead in a play. And although he didn't have any contact with her, Ryan knew Kelsi was doing more than fine as well. He has heard about her from former classmates of theirs and all he heard was good. He congratulated himself for doing the right thing but he also became lonely. It was different chasing his dreams knowing that he didn't have his muse. That loneliness brought him to a new level of foolishness. He found himself flirting with a classmate who was his dance partner in one class. They went out on dates, it was easy to schedule and convenient too because they had the same classes. But in one of those dates, he was holding the girl's hand, his face very near hers while they laughed, when at the corner of his eye he saw Kelsi. She was walking out of the part of the restaurant where the ladies' room was and she came to a halt when she recognized him. He was still for a moment; staring at her he saw the pain of betrayal in her eyes. She quickly averted her eyes and rushed to pick up her purse and walked out of the same restaurant. Foolish as he was, he didn't go after her. He didn't know how to explain Kelsi to the other girl. But fate would not let him off the hook that easily. _

_He was walking home from one of his classes, eyes on his phone as he was texting one of his professors when he bumped into Kelsi. Her eyes went wide with fear and what looked like anger, something that he hasn't seen in her eyes in the many years he'd known her, not even during those times when he and Sharpay would ruin her songs. She tried to walk past him but he stopped her by the arm, "Kelsi, about yesterday…"_

_"There's nothing to explain Ryan. I'm not demanding any explanation as to why you are getting cozy with some girl having the time of your life after breaking up with me on the grounds that there is no time or space for us in that ambitious life of yours." She seemed surprised as he was in her outburst but he guessed his reaction only spurred on her confidence. "I let you go because I couldn't live with myself knowing I held you back. I didn't want you to resent me later on. I saw how great you can be in your field and I just couldn't bear taking that away from you. But here you are you have so easily and thoughtlessly acquired for yourself what I painfully gave up so you can pursue your dreams. So yes, there is nothing for you to explain because I don't have a claim on you to give me grounds to demand for such explanation. I let go of all hold I had on you Ryan, even though deep in my heart I pray that you will find your way back to me. Now I'm not so sure if I want that because I can't even stand seeing you right now. You are selfish, Ryan. You tried to pass off your reason for breaking up with me as something you are doing for the both of us when truth is, you just didn't want to risk your spotlight, the same way you didn't want to risk it by standing up to your sister to defend me. So you let me go," she was crying now and poking an accusing finger to his chest, "because I was the safest choice. You knew that you can go back to me and I will take you in. you set me aside like a piece of property knowing you can retrieve me anytime you want. But guess what Ryan? I'm refusing to stand in the background anymore." With that she walked around and past him, never to come back in his life again. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Back to Your Heart: Chapter 2**

Every night after that he would dream of her, always the same dream with her crying in front of him and him helpless in comforting her or making the tears stop. It was the same dream that woke him up today, back at home in Albuquerque. It was his parents' wedding anniversary and they were having a party tonight to celebrate with friends. Finding it difficult to go back to sleep as always when he woke up from the dream, he made himself presentable and made his way to the kitchen.

He found his pregnant sister there, pouring juice into a glass as Zeke made breakfast. She worked her way around the counter to hug him, "Hey, when did you arrive?"

He hugged her back and sat down, "Late last night. I had to finish up rehearsing before I can leave. Hi Zeke!" He greeted his brother in law who handed him a plate of omelet and bacon.

"Here's breakfast for you. What are you doing up so early if you arrived so late?"

"Err, I had a dream and couldn't go back to sleep so I just came down here." He proceeded to eat the hefty breakfast.

Sharpay eyed him curiously; he can almost hear her brain working a frenzy. Why did he have to mention the dream? She was going to grill him for it. He told her of the Kelsi dreams when he came clean to her about breaking up with the girl. Man, did he get quite a lecture for that! Sharpay was on the brink of hurting him physically after hearing about it. His twin and Kelsi have bonded over the years and surprisingly, Sharpay was on Kelsi's side.

Zeke gave him an odd look, "C'mon man, don't tell me you still believe there are monsters hiding under your bed?" His brother-in-law made fun of him, apparently without knowledge of the kind of dreams he had. And that was a good thing because if Zeke knew, then that would mean that the rest of the Wildcats knew as well and that could cost him his precious life.

"Oh, I know what those dreams are and I must say serves you right. You know little brother, it will haunt you to your grave unless you make it right with her." Sharpay glared at him while Zeke who started to listen intently, threw a questioning look at his wife. "I'll tell you later when we're at home." Sharpay whispered to him.

"Great idea, Shar, except that I have no way of doing that because I don't freaking know where she is! Why is that again? Oh, right, it's because you won't tell me!" he said dramatically, his voice raised up a bit. His sister has a way of making him look stupid.

"I'm not about to make it easy on you after what you did to her. I'm your sister and I love you but you got to admit it was just plain wrong. I expected more from you. But anyway, I'm willing to bury the hatchet if you are, she's coming tonight so I expect you to make things right." She said matter-of-factly with a smug look on her face.

"Wait, what? She's coming tonight? She hasn't attended the anniversary dinner since then and now she's coming?"

"Are you complaining? Because I can't take back the invitation at the last minute."

"No, what I mean is, what made her come this time around?"

"Oh Ryan, you underestimate me all the time. Just because some of my schemes didn't work in high school doesn't mean I'm not capable of succeeding in one now. I had mom talk to her and guilt her into coming. You know she can't refuse mom."

"Why didn't you try that earlier? Like five years ago?" He didn't know if he should be thankful for his sister or resent her. She knew of this piece of information that could've gotten him a chance with Kelsi sooner but didn't use it.

"Hey, don't get angry with me. She needed time and I gave her time." Sharpay started to sound really serious bordering scary. "Just make sure you make the most of tonight because this might be the only chance I can get you to make it right with her."

After he finished his breakfast he went for a walk in their massive lawn. It looked exactly the same as it did the last time he was home, and it still held the same memories as it did. Memories of him and Kelsi running around chasing each other, walking along the row of trees leading to the tennis court. He was losing himself into each memory that he had to go back inside to keep him sane.

But inside he was met by a group of four tall men with tight jaws and clenched fists. Sharpay must have told Zeke that's why the Wildcats were now here at his living room ready to rip him apart. He held his hands up in surrender, ready to make a plea, "Look, guys, I… I don't really know where to begin but I want you to know that I paid for what I did every waking moment of my life. Heck, I even paid for it in my dreams and that still doesn't seem to be enough. I was foolish and I made a mistake. I will give you the chance to punch me or whatever just please do not injure my leg because I have contractual obligations to fulfill."

Troy was the first to speak seeing that Chad was probably too angry and might just end up killing him while Jason was still thinking of where to begin and Zeke was keeping himself in check being part of their family. "To say we're disappointed at you Ryan would be an understatement."

"The biggest understatement of the century, that's what you mean!" Chad contributed, his jaw was tight and clearly holding himself back with every ounce of self-control he had. Chad grew up in a family of 3 boys and Kelsi was the closest thing to a sister he had.

"Chad, please," Troy tried to calm him, "We trusted you with her because we expected that you of all people would treat her right. But what's done is done. I hope you know what you lost, Ryan, and how much damage this has caused not only to your relationship with her but also to our friendship."

Ryan's face fell, the sadness and guilt weighed in his chest all the more but he was determined to make it right this time. "I know and I'm sorry. I know this is asking too much but if you guys are willing to give me another chance I wish to make it right with her tonight."

"And how are you planning to do that?" Jason asked.

"I have an idea but I would need all of your help." He said smiling to himself.

The party was going well, cocktails and dinner has been served and everyone was seated waiting for the program to begin. Much to Ryan's relief there hasn't been any sour moments yet, because Sharpay had seen to it to seat Kelsi between Troy and Chad while he sat with his family in a table quite a distance from theirs. He has been watching her though, and he knew she has seen him and was aware that he was watching her. She kept on putting a hand to her neck which meant she was self-conscious. Her neck, it was highlighted by the black thin-strapped dress she wore. She was even more beautiful than he remembered which got him to thinking that maybe she really has moved on and found someone else in her life. That would not be good for what he was planning to do tonight but Sharpay nor the guys didn't tell him if she has a boyfriend and he thought they would've, knowing his plans.

As the program went on, the time came for the rather traditional performance that Sharpay and Ryan gave every year, although this time, the host only called Ryan to the stage.

He took the microphone and surveyed the room full of people. He was about to make the most important performance of his life and for the first time he wasn't worried about getting the approval of everyone watching. He just wished to seek the approval of only one, more specifically, the forgiveness of only one.

"Good evening everyone. I'm sure you're all wondering why my sister's not here with me. I know that's unusual and I assure you it's not the end of the world." Sharpay playfully glared at his brother while the audience laughed. He wasn't really trying to make them laugh, he just wanted to be more comfortable on stage and less nervous. "First of all, I want to wish my parents a happy anniversary. Their marriage is one that is getting more and more difficult to come across with these days but I know for a fact that they love each other very much if not more than they did the time they got married. I would like to read a passage from the Bible that describes what true love is…

_"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails._

"And that's the kind of love my parents have shared throughout the years and the kind of love that they have taught me and my sister. Though I must admit that it wasn't the kind of love I was able to give to someone I deeply cared for, who deserved no less than that kind of love." He paused for a while and sought her out in the audience. She bowed her head when she realized this but not before his eyes met hers and saw the surprise mixed with sadness in her eyes. "Two of the important lessons my parents have taught us is humility and honesty. Humility to admit that we, I, was wrong and humility to ask for forgiveness. Honesty to come clean and say what I really feel, even if it means swallowing up my pride and making a fool of myself. Honesty to admit that I did you wrong, that I was selfish and I took you for granted. Letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life and I lived with that mistake every single day ever since. So as the passage I read said, Love always hopes, always perseveres, it never fails, so I hope that this will give me chance to make things right and I will persevere to the very end to make it right. I hope you can trust me enough to believe me, if not I hope having the people you trust and who loves you do this with me would convince you." With that Troy, Chad, Jason and Zeke stood up and made their way to the stage. Kelsi's bowed head shot up in shock to see their friends helping him. He met her eyes again and this time she didn't look away. That gave him enough confidence and hope that maybe she's willing to hear him out.

The five of them stood behind the five microphone stands with Ryan in the middle as the first few notes were played. Then Ryan started singing: "It's not that I can't live without you, it's just that I don't even want to try. Every night I dream about you, ever since the day we said goodbye. If I wasn't such a fool right now I'd be holding you. There's nothin' that I wouldn't do baby if I only knew."

Troy, Chad, Jason and Zeke joined him, singing back-up, "The words to say, the road to take, to find a way back to your heart, what can I do, to get to you, and find a way back to your heart"

Ryan then took the microphone off the stand and moved forward in front of the others, "I don't know how it got so crazy, but I'll do anything to set things right. 'Cause your love is so amazing, baby you're the best thing in my life. Let me prove my love is real and make you feel the way I feel. I promise I would give the world if only you would tell me girl.

The Wildcats then joined him again in the next chorus. Ryan saw his mother teary-eyed, his father's arms around her. His father smiled proudly at him and took a glance at where Kelsi was sitting. "Give me one more chance, to give my love to you, cause no one on this earth loves you like I do. Tell me..."

As the other guys sang the chorus he started to walk towards Kelsi's table. His eyes were on her the whole time and he saw she was a bit embarrassed. That adorable blush was back on her cheeks and that made him smile involuntarily. Gabriella, Taylor, and Martha smiled encouragingly at him. As he made it in front of her in time for the next chorus, the guys stopped singing leaving his voice to slice through the silence, "I turn back time to make you mine and find a way back to your heart." Her eyes that were kept on him gave him the courage to take her hand and kneel in front of her, "I beg and plead, fall to my knees to find a way back to your heart."

He eased into an ending, their eyes locked. It seemed like a long time until he saw her give him a small smile and squeezed his hand lightly. He was filled with happiness that he couldn't help himself and kissed her hand. He stood up and swept her into a tight hug, whispering in her ear, "I'm sorry" over and over again until he felt her pull back and touched his face, wiping away the tears that he didn't know were falling.

"Thank you." She wasn't able to say anything else as he hugged her again, the applause of the whole room seemed like a distant background. Sure they still needed to talk about everything later on but at that moment he relished the feel of her back in his arms and celebrated this big step into getting back to her heart.

_Now I have to get back to Perhaps Romance and Fit for a Princess. Thank you all for reading and reviewing!_


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